Sorry Sir, but I have to ask...

[Sandy Buttcheeks]

I've just been asked if I was over 16yrs old. (Ok, so the salesgirl said, "I can see that you are, but I'm sorry Sir, I have to ask").
Guess what I was attempting to buy? Crackers for the Christmas table. Bloody crackers. All because of the exploding strip. Can't believe that someone would look at me and think I was clever enough to buy a gizzillion crackers, remove the exploding strips, somehow stick them all together and then head for the nearest terrorist shortlisted target.

Surely I would have been rumbled when my accomplice (for surely I would have needed one) and I, were spotted standing outside the Houses of Parliament, with our arms outstretched, wearing half a gizzillion paper party hats each, pockets brimming with entangled metal puzzles, and shouting "PULL" at the top of our voices, with our eyes closed.

Next year I'm making my own. Stuff them. Bah humbug.   

[Vulture]

I've just been asked if I was over 16yrs old. (Ok, so the salesgirl said, "I can see that you are, but I'm sorry Sir, I have to ask").
Guess what I was attempting to buy? Crackers for the Christmas table. Bloody crackers. All because of the exploding strip. Can't believe that someone would look at me and think I was clever enough to buy a gizzillion crackers, remove the exploding strips, somehow stick them all together and then head for the nearest terrorist shortlisted target.

Surely I would have been rumbled when my accomplice (for surely I would have needed one) and I, were spotted standing outside the Houses of Parliament, with our arms outstretched, wearing half a gizzillion paper party hats each, pockets brimming with entangled metal puzzles, and shouting "PULL" at the top of our voices, with our eyes closed.

Next year I'm making my own. Stuff them. Bah humbug.   

Should we be calling you 'Guy'?

[Sandy Buttcheeks]

I've just been asked if I was over 16yrs old. (Ok, so the salesgirl said, "I can see that you are, but I'm sorry Sir, I have to ask").
Guess what I was attempting to buy? Crackers for the Christmas table. Bloody crackers. All because of the exploding strip. Can't believe that someone would look at me and think I was clever enough to buy a gizzillion crackers, remove the exploding strips, somehow stick them all together and then head for the nearest terrorist shortlisted target.

Surely I would have been rumbled when my accomplice (for surely I would have needed one) and I, were spotted standing outside the Houses of Parliament, with our arms outstretched, wearing half a gizzillion paper party hats each, pockets brimming with entangled metal puzzles, and shouting "PULL" at the top of our voices, with our eyes closed.

Next year I'm making my own. Stuff them. Bah humbug.   

Should we be calling you 'Guy'?

For Fawkes sake, don't.

[Bilthehut]

Next year I'm making my own. Stuff them. Bah humbug.   

You stuff crackers with a pointed paper crown, a stupid and groaning joke, and a novelty gift.  Not sure that sheep or sweets are appropriate.

[Sandy Buttcheeks]

We Scots wouldn't waste a good sheep in such a frivilous fashion. 

[Bilthehut]

But do you still chase haggis' the wrong way around hills?

[Sandy Buttcheeks]

There is no wrong way.   

[Bilthehut]

If you chase them the correct way round a hill, their short legs on one side makes them tip over and therefore easier to catch.

[Sandy Buttcheeks]

You seem to know a bit too much about this for my liking. Are you a secret poacher? 

[Bilthehut]

No, it was reliably reported on by Panorama (or was it Newsnight) sometime in the past. 

[Sandy Buttcheeks]

I seem to remember it looked like a scrawny type of turkey a drunk man might bring home to his wife at 11.58 on Xmas Eve as a peace offering.