Tumbleweed.

[Roger Kettle]

This is as quiet on here as I can remember. Perhaps we're all pissed off with this 21-month Winter we've been having. I apologise for my absence but I've been going through one of those periods where all sorts of niggly stuff has been going on. Anyway, talking about cold weather, here's one of my all-time favourite jokes. I don't THINK I've posted this before...
A liitle polar bear skips across the ice and goes up to his mother.
"Mum, am I really a polar bear?"
"Course you are, son."
"You wouldn't lie to me?"
"Son, why would I lie to you? If you don't believe me, go and ask your father."
The little polar bear slips and slides up to his father.
"Dad, am I really a polar bear?"
"You certainly are, my boy!"
"Am I 100% polar bear? I'm not part brown bear or part black bear?"
"Son, you are 100% POLAR bear! Why do you ask?"
"It's just I'm f****** freezin'!"

[Diane CBPFC]

 

I was watching the board thinking there would be an April Fool's joke - but it is hard to compete with mother nature in the joke department. I have seen photos of my old friends who still live in Wales's gardens - crazy amount of snow they have had.

I am down to 23 chicks in the bathroom - they are three weeks old now and can pop in and out of their tubs and poo on the floor. I wish I had thought about that when I bought them so early in the year.

[Bilthehut]

I'm still putting up shelves, emptying boxes and still have half a storage unit of crap to find a home for.  On the plus side, I've started the ball rolling on my photography business and will have a website up in the next month (hopefully).

[The Peepmaster]

I was watching the board thinking there would be an April Fool's joke - but it is hard to compete with mother nature in the joke department. I have seen photos of my old friends who still live in Wales's gardens - crazy amount of snow they have had.

I am down to 23 chicks in the bathroom - they are three weeks old now and can pop in and out of their tubs and poo on the floor. I wish I had thought about that when I bought them so early in the year.

I bet your spouse can't wait for them to move out so that you can have a bath...

[Diane CBPFC]

Don't be silly, I didn't buy any ducklings. Bath's free.

[Diane CBPFC]

I'm still putting up shelves, emptying boxes and still have half a storage unit of crap to find a home for.  On the plus side, I've started the ball rolling on my photography business and will have a website up in the next month (hopefully).

Are you opening up a studio in your garage, renting a space or mostly covering events?

[Sandy Buttcheeks]

This is as quiet on here as I can remember. Perhaps we're all pissed off with this 21-month Winter we've been having. I apologise for my absence but I've been going through one of those periods where all sorts of niggly stuff has been going on.

Strangely enough, I was thinking about this earlier and why I hadn't been on for a wee while. I decided that for various reasons, I just didn't feel that I had anything that amusing that had happened to me, or that I had anything amusing to mention. This then moved on to what I was going to post about in the first place, and that is, what do the "pros" of the board do when this happens? It doesn't matter if I don't feel partcularly humerous (although I dislike myself immensely at those points) because I don't make a living from it, but what if you do? How do you get through it? How do you "find" humour when you don't feel humerous inside?

PS. Is there any coincidence between the quietest time on the board occuring just after the vernal equinox?

PPS. Since Roger has posted my favourite joke (apart from my spitoon joke, of course), I reserve the right to post my number two...

A rabbit has to answer the call of nature and nicks in behind a bush, only to met by the sight of a large, squatting bear in some discomfort, obviously doing the same.
The bear asks the rabbit, "Do you too have problems with crap sticking to your fur, little rabbit?"
The rabbit replies, "No Mr Bear, I do not."
So the bear picks up the rabbit and wipes his arse with him.


heh heh...it's the way I tell 'em

[Bilthehut]

I'm still putting up shelves, emptying boxes and still have half a storage unit of crap to find a home for.  On the plus side, I've started the ball rolling on my photography business and will have a website up in the next month (hopefully).

Are you opening up a studio in your garage, renting a space or mostly covering events?

Garage is still full of boxes, dive suits, tools, shelving units and wood.  Eventually I may get some space to take photos there. Can take the studio kit to any location for portrait, etc.  Currently recording the replacement of the new bridge in Evesham.  Piles have yet to be sunk (66 of them) but traffic disruption is already a pain.  Will try any paying option for photos.

[Bilthehut]

I still like this one...

An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.  As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.
She turned to the cowboy and asked, “Are you a real cowboy?”
He replied, “Well, I’ve spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, baling hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs.  So I guess I am a cowboy.”
She said, “I’m a lesbian.  I spend my whole day thinking about women.  As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women.  When I shower, I think about women.  When I watch TV, I think about women.  I even think about women when I eat.  It seems that everything makes me think of women.”
The two sat sipping in silence.
A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, “Are you a real cowboy?”
He replied, “I always thought I was, but I just found out that I’m a lesbian.”

[Vulture]

I still like this one...

Me, too! 

[Roger Kettle]

Sandy, there are a lot of times when I don't feel particularly "funny" but I just get on with it. Basically, it's like any other job---there are days when you just don't feel like working. I've been writing cartoon strips for 35 years now so I've learned how to get through difficult times---it amazes me how the brain steps in and takes over in these circumstances. At the time of my mother's illness and death, over ten years ago, I was writing three daily strips (Beau, Horace and Andy Capp) but somehow still managed to meet my deadlines. I've no idea how. As I said earlier, it amazes me how the brain steps in during dark times. Like everyone else, I've worked through various illnesses over the years but that's where I'm luckier than most. My office is here in my house so I don't have to travel. There's also a couch in it so it's no problem to have an hour's kip if needed. (I wouldn't recommend this if you work in an office). Also, I can write my strips any time I like so, if I've had a poor day, I can do a couple of hours in the evening. I'm lucky. Being a writer of comic strips is a doddle!

[Sandy Buttcheeks]

Bloody, f@@@ing, wind-up, Branson internet connections. 20 mins replying and the thing disappears.

As I was saying...

Think you're correct Roger, and that's why I get miffed at myself for getting a bit "blue". Everybody on the planet has off-days, but when you start forgetting how lucky you really are with your own life, that's when I get annoyed at myself. I should know better being from a hospital environment, some stories and sights would break anyone's heart. Then again, most people I know, have a healthy dose of "gallows" humour, and the things that senior people will make private jokes about, I wouldn't dare (well...maybe I would). Humour as a shield? Definitely.

Right, no more nonsense, I have 3 things I obviously must do...

1. Work out how to wangle working from home. I like the sound of it.
2. Work out how to fit a couch in beside my desk. Just for the more strenuous days you understand.
3. Work out how I can hire 3 scantily clad maidens to wait upon my every desire. This has nothing to do with anything, it's just that I really would like them.

 

[Bilthehut]

scantily clad maidens

I'm glad to see you are not ageist.

[Diane CBPFC]

Is that a doddle or a doodle you meant to say Roger?   

[Sandy Buttcheeks]

scantily clad maidens

I'm glad to see you are not ageist.

Or Earthist...I meant to type martians.