...or to be precise, my potential operatic career may be over. I've mentioned my love of music in previous posts, and it's a fairly eclectic one for which I am grateful. In truth however, opera is an abiding passion, particularly the tenor voice.
Sadly I am a philistine in regards to many things. In chess for example I constantly fail to recognise the point at which you are supposed to resign. For me chess has two potential endings, checkmate or stalemate. I was once told by an opponent that I had caused him to lose by not resigning at an earlier point, thus breaking his concentration. I always thought that was the point.
In regard to opera, I am equally shallow in that I stick to what I love, the arias. And as for operatic aria which features a tenor...I am rendered speechless.
So, I have long planned to follow in the footsteps of Messrs Bjorling, Di Stefano, Caruso, Melchior to name but a few. Unfortunately, due mainly to the fact that, if I may paraphrase one of my heroes, "I sing all the right notes, but not necessarily in the right order", this was never going to end happily.
This lack of vocal dexterity has forced me into developing several "fall back" plans, but the clock is ticking and I finally arrived at the last remaining plan...and then it hit the fan.
The final plan requires the sale of my incorporeal and immortal essence to...you guessed, the devil. Please bear in mind this was the last fall back position, so it was never going to be brilliant.
The first issue that subsequently arises is my being an atheist, technically we don't have anyone to sell our souls to, although if Jane Fonda was to make me an offer...
Putting aside my lack of beliefs doesn't improve the situation much. It occurred to me that the mere thought of selling ones soul to the devil immediately gave rise to the situation where he, or she to be fair, didn't need to pay for it, he [or she] already owned it at that immediate point, if not before [carnal thoughts of Jane Fonda being the least of the reasons].
So, having sinned and already lost my soul to eternal damnation, I would need absolution, again something we atheists are not too big on. No problem, I could just seek redemption through an existing belief system.
Catholicism seems a reasonable choice with the added bonus that there's a middle man who doles out the forgiveness on Gods behalf. It seems a reasonable precaution not to get too close to someone who can rain down fire and damnation, gay Priests are playing spiritual Russian roulette in my opinion. Then, whilst still in a "state of spiritual grace" I could sell my...bang! Back in queue for purgatory.
So it's over, before it began... I'm shattered to be honest and all that time spend on the karaoke machine is suddenly meaningless and somehow sullied. The Teatro dell'Opera di Roma no longer beckons, the Metropolitan Opera of New York has closed its doors to me, I am...bereft.
Rest in peace Mr Wogan.
