Football

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

He's probably too excited to answer right now.

[Mince]

Well, I probably would be too if I knew what was going on.

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

I'd stick to not watching tennis, if I were you.

Thank God I'm not you.

[Mince]

The thing is I was getting quite bored with not watching tennis, and thought I might try out not watching football instead.

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

Be careful. That's just one small step away from not avoiding meat.

[Mince]

There's no chance of that, believe me.

Did you know that if you multiply the number 2 by itself an infinite number of times, you get a number bigger than infinity? You don't learn that watching football.

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

There's no chance of that, believe me.

If I had a pound for every time I've heard that from you, I'd be very fat.

You'd be amazed at what you can learn watching a football team like mine. Did you know that there were 2,528 fans at the Forfarshire Cup game against Brechin City in 1987? I counted them all.

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

Twice.

[Mince]

You'd be amazed at what you can learn watching a football team like mine.

Futility?

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

Nah - that's one for those determined to add a few hours onto their lives by whatever means.

[Mince]

You should have said nanoseconds and gone full straw man.

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

I see what you did there. Yawn!

[Mince]

Mind you, I'd probably add years to my life just by getting up earlier in the day as I said I would.

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

Sleep deprivation is a killer!

[Mince]

Apparently, sleeping in more than seven or eight hours is just as bad.