Having a gravely ill father really shouldn't be a source of amusement I suppose, but he helped raise me and my brother, so it's 50% his fault anyway...so I make no excuses for the following...
After a prolonged period of blood tests, scans etc...
Me..."I see they're giving you another unit of blood"
Pops.."Waste of time"
Me.."Why? They have to try and get you better"
Pops..'Then what the f**k is the point of putting it in one arm and then taking it out the other?"
After a conversation that ended up with him having his dentures removed for cleaning...
Me..."Good. I'm glad you let them take your teeth out for cleaning"
Pops..(very indignantly) "I bloody didn't!"
Me..."You must have, they're in the dish"
Pops..."Its these young foreign doctors that don't get the Scottish words and inflection. She said she wanted to take my teeth out and I said, "Aye, so ye will!". The bugger took it as a yes and had them out before I could close ma gub !!"