Intimidating Letters from Television Licensing

[Mince]

Here is an example of how to annoy TV licensing salesmen.


All TVL officers have an ID card. They cannot knock your door without one. You have the right to see it and you have the right to close the door while you phone Bristol to check it.

TVL: Hello, I'm a TVLA Persecutions Officer. Here's my authority.  [Shows you his card.]
Objector: Do you mind if I just check this? It's just that we've had a number of bogus callers in the area lately.
TVL: Certainly.

Objector shuts door.

Phone up Bristol TVL and give them the details on the card. Ask if this card is theirs. They say it is. Meanwhile you are writing the TVL address on the front of an envelope.

Pop the card in the envelope.

Leave the house and explain you are just going to the shop and will be back in two minutes. The TVL officer will almost certainly pursue you requesting his card and may possibly call for backup. However, he cannot lay a hand on you. He will simply obstruct or pursue.

Drop the envelope into the post box and return to your house and await the police. Alternatively, if you have a post office nearby you can go there and they will stamp it for you.

Now, enjoy the aftermath.

If the police do arrive, the TVL officer will claim that you have stolen his card. Calmly explain to the attending constable that he gave you the card and that you have simply returned the card to the confirmed owner - ie. TVL, Bristol. This does not constitute theft, for which the legal definition is "To take some item without consent with the intention of permanently depriving the owner thereof."

The police won't be happy about it (unless they see the humour of the situation) but there's nothing they can legally do about it.

(Caveat: The police don't care about the law and may arrest you anyway - no charges will be brought however, and you will be released.)

I have used this on a number of occasions and it's always worked like a dream. If they try to physically restrain you, simply point out that they are assaulting you - in a loud but polite manner, making sure that others notice your protest.

Better still is if you have a family member leave and post it for you whilst he stands at the door expecting your return. Then you can politely inform him that if they rush they might just catch it before it's posted. The look on their faces is just fantastic.

The great thing about this is that if they don't have a spare (and in my experience they never do), they have to quit for the day - in fact, until they get a new licence printed or the old one arrives. Always use second class post. Never use the postcode!

Always great fun.

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

Do you have a TV aerial, Vulture? If so, is it plugged in?

These are rather serious questions do you work for the licensing office at the BBC TT111

Do you have a TV aerial, Vulture? If so, is it plugged in?

No, and No.


(Are you moonlighting?)

No, I'm Zorro!

(sigh!)

[peter]

No, I'm Zorro!

(sigh!)

But who do you work for Zorro

Note I don't care if you change your name they all do it in the loony Bin

[The Peepmaster]

No, I'm Zorro!

(sigh!)

But who do you work for Zorro

Note I don't care if you change your name they all do it in the loony Bin

Not easy to change that name. Zorro seems to be the hardest word.

[peter]

No, I'm Zorro!

(sigh!)

But who do you work for Zorro

Note I don't care if you change your name they all do it in the loony Bin

Not easy to change that name. Zorro seems to be the hardest word.

Rozor! Whats difficult I use one every morning to shave.

[Joan]

How come Australia, with a population about a third of the UK, can afford to run their non-commercial TV station without all this licensing rigmarole?  I'd forgotten about the UK television licence - what a ripoff!  I think I'll stop whinging about the amount of ads on commercial TV as well.

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

Joan, we are treated to the cream of Australian TV over here, represented by such classics as Neighbours, Home & Away, Sons & Daughters, and Prisoner Cell Block H.

I think that probably answers your question.

[Joan]

Aha, so you pay dearly for being educated in the niceties of Australian life    while we in return receive a wide selection of British fair for free, susidised by your licences no doubt - Dr Who, The Bill, Parkie, the odd Brit sitcom, to name but a few.  We do have to pay to watch such gems as Eastenders and Coronation Street, though.

[The Peepmaster]

Joan, we are treated to the cream of Australian TV over here, represented by such classics as Neighbours, Home & Away, Sons & Daughters, and Prisoner Cell Block H.

I think that probably answers your question.

Tarks, you forgot Dame Edna.

[Calypso]

I would like to announce that my cable company mailed me a Hallmark Card. I received it today.
 
Here it is:
 
 

 
 
Inside was the following message:
 
Thanks for your faith in us this past year
as we worked hard to bring you
the most up-to-date and reliable
home services in  (*hidden to protect my whereabouts)
 
We know you have a choice of providers,
so your trust is quite an honor.
 
Your friends at Time Warner
 
P.S, We've included a token of appreciation.
Hope you enjoy it.

The token of appreciation was a fancy voucher:  In appreciation for being a valued Time Warner Cable customer, we want to treat you to a fabulous theme park experience.  

The voucher was for one free admission ticket to a popular amusement park and also allowed me to purchase additional tickets for half-price through December.
 
Hmmmmm.....I guess I have no complaints.

[Vulture]

Hmm. I can't see the BBC doing something like this.

If you pay up, they ignore you: if you don't pay, you're inundated with threats.

I've been purchasing a TV licence every year since 1966 (I still have them all!), and the only time I heard from them was when I decided that enough was enough and I wasn't going to pay over ?100 for the privilege of having a TV that I didn't turn on!

[The Peepmaster]

I emailed the Licensing people from their website:

I'm seriously considering not having a TV anymore. However, I have been reading horror stories about people who no longer require a licence being hounded and treated like criminals, with the inference that they are breaking the law, when patently they are not. http://www.bbctvlicence.com/2006%20letters.htm
I hate the thought of this happening to me. Is there a way of making a clean break, so to speak, without this kind of harrassment?

Today I got a reply:

Dear Mr Sutherland

Thank you for contacting us.

As you will undoubtedly recognise, we have a duty to minimise television licence evasion and over the years we have found that one of the most effective and cheapest ways of doing this is to write to people reminding them of their obligation to purchase a licence where it is necessary for them so to do.

We have found from experience that people?s circumstances change, sometimes over short periods, and this is compounded by a high level of address changes arising from current movement of the population.

It is, therefore, the case that sometimes our letters are received by people, who have previously told us that they do not have a television set. I am sorry to say this is unavoidable.

When people tell us that they are not using a television set we annotate our records to that effect to ensure that a period elapses before we write to the same address because we realise how annoying it is to be constantly troubled in this way. Unfortunately we cannot grant permanent immunity for receiving our enquiries because of the constant change in circumstances I described earlier.

Yours sincerely

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

Sounds fair enough to me. We all suffer in many minor ways for the actions of law-breakers. It's them you should be condemning, not people who are trying to do a tough job.

[Vulture]

Sounds fair enough to me. We all suffer in many minor ways for the actions of law-breakers. It's them you should be condemning, not people who are trying to do a tough job.

I agree, TT111. However, since notifying them that I no longer wish to avail myself of broadcast TV, I have been inundated with threatening letters. What do they constitute 'a reasonable period'? There is not a month goes by where I don't receive some sort of communication from them.  I was away in Canada for a month this summer, and on my return there were five letters waiting for me.

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

I hardly ever get any snail mail any more.

Vulture, you are in the right. Just put them in the bin. If they send people to your door, smile and tell them, "not today thank you". If they turn up with the police, they're going to look pretty stupid, aren't they? If it were me, I'd probably even have a little fun with them.

Real harassment is when you wake up in central Baghdad to find your neighbour's house is missing, along with half of your own.