AND THE WINNER IS...

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

The votes have been counted, and the decisions have been made.

It was an incredibly difficult decision. The overall standard was exceptionally high, and in my eyes you?re all winners. But there can be only one clich? left before I get lynched, so without further ado (B*gger! That was it), I shall announce the results of my deliberations as sole judge in this year?s Beau Peep Annual Christmas Competition, held annually, every year in the run-up to Christmas, and this year is no exception.

There were over 30 entries this year, including five ineligible and several illegible. My initial task was to grade them into one of three categories, which we can name (for the sake of argument) ?Very Good?, ?Pretty Good?, and ?Borderline Good?. After having tossed out the ineligible entries (i.e. those that did not spell out the name of a Beau Peep character using the initial letters of each line), this process resulted in a shortlist of eight contenders for the Golden Beau, 2007.

And after much meditation, lubrication, and a touch of embrocation, I am delighted to announce the top three entries in traditional reverse order...


This year?s Bronze Beau award (prestige only ? no prize) goes to COLIN, with the following masterful muse:


Do I enter, I don't know.
Oh what the hell, I'll give it a go.
Required subject, someone's name.
I think I'm getting good at this game.
So here's my entry, I hope it rhymes.

And if it doesn't, there'll be other times.
No one said it had to be good.
"Do you think Peter understood"?

Before I finish, I must just say
Everyone's efforts have made my day.
At best the entrys have been so revealing.
Utmost respect, now where's my Darjeeling?   




This year?s Silver Beau award (prestige only ? no prize) goes to our very own PEEPMASTER for this epic verse:


Turning to the hat-stand
He solemnly declares,
"Everything you've said is right -

Coats should be on chairs.
Only caps and kepis,
Little bonnets too,
Ought to have the right to hang
Naughtily from you".
Ending with this lecture to the soldiers gathered round:
"Look out for nude Turags - they're all mentally unsound"!

Enter army medics with their
Stretcher at the ready.
"Colonel, you're to come with us
As you're quite unsteady".
Reaching for his Prit-Stick, our hero then reacts -
Glueing pics of Doris Day, sideways
On their hats.
Three cheers for the Colonel, (he's less sensible than bats!) 





And the winner of this year?s Golden Beau, PLUS prizes from Roger Kettle himself, is PETER, with this classic composition that had me rolling in the aisles (n.b. I have cut and pasted it as written)...


So much for camels
Only one do I know
Perhaps he gives you flannel
With the spiting though
I
Think he has the
Hump      


Hearty congratulations to all.

[Malc]

Oh, so entries have to be ELIGIBLE now, do they, there's RULES are there? Did you tell that to Israel in the Eurovision Song Contest? That's EURO. Last I looked, Europe didn't extend to the Negev bleeding desert!

You had to bring in these spurious, namby pamby bloody regulations to exclude my entry because you knew it just BLEW the rest of the stuff AWAY. I demand a stewards equiry. If the Scooby Doos can get into Eurovision, my entry is kosher.
If you pardon the expression.

And if I DON'T get a recount, well just you..you...well, congratulations Peter, then.

[Diamond Lil]

Congratulations Peter...that's shown these young pups a thing or two

[Diane CBPFC]

Thank God that's over for another year. :

Congratulations Peter! 

I think Colin should at least get 40 bags of Darjeeling as a runner-up prize.

[Vulture]

Many congratulations, Peter. 

[Roger Kettle]

First of all, thank you, Tarks, for a superb piece of judging. Hard but fair. I appreciate your time and effort.
Secondly, congratulations, Peter. A quite superb piece of writing that truly deserves a wider audience. If you care to send me your postal address (r.kettle@talk21.com), I will rush to the Post Office with signed original strips, featuring Beau and Horace.
Sniff. I'm filling up.

[Vulture]

First of all, thank you, Tarks, for a superb piece of judging. Hard but fair. I appreciate your time and effort.
Secondly, congratulations, Peter. A quite superb piece of writing that truly deserves a wider audience. If you care to send me your postal address (r.kettle@talk21.com), I will rush to the Post Office with signed original strips, featuring Beau and Horace.
Sniff. I'm filling up.

Quick! Someone get Roger a sick bowl...

[The Peepmaster]

Thank you for my Silver medal, Tranquil. A superb bit of judging, by the way. Very eloquently explained, and almost better than the entries.

[clenched-teeth]Congratulations to Peter, too.[/clenched-teeth]

[Mince]

peter has just told me that Tarquin has made a mistake because he did not write the winning entry. I showed him the post with the poem that HE (peter) made, and he just shook his head and said: "I can't remember writing that!"

[peter]

peter has just told me that Tarquin has made a mistake because he did not write the winning entry. I showed him the post with the poem that HE (peter) made, and he just shook his head and said: "I can't remember writing that!"

It must mean that my bestest work flows when I am drunk

Maybe Tarks saw this and could empathise with this muse.

I would like to thank the judge for his work
Malc for his tirade when he lost it was up there with his others
The other contestants for there entries some I might say seemed better than mine
The dogs trust for a poem
The help and guidance of Vulture
Diamond Lil The sherbet is in the post
PeepMaster for his solo effort
And last but not least Roger for the Prize
Also Mince for not correcting any of my gramma
Well my beloved audience I most away
I also would like to thank all those that I have not named by name
My secretary will send Roger my address just Let me know if the rotten swine does not do it
I will cut off his supply of sherbet dabs for a week.
I will be very nice to Tark's
I will love you Till the end of time




Now I am waiting for the end of time.

[Malc]

Don't ever change, Peter.

Or, on the other hand, do.

This kind of ambivalence has kept me young.

[The Peepmaster]

PeepMaster for his solo effort

Which, of all my entries, was my "solo effort"? 



Just to be clear...

[peter]

PeepMaster for his solo effort

Which, of all my entries, was my "solo effort"? 



Just to be clear...

I was being polite and did not want to draw peoples attention to your other feeble efforts

[Roger Kettle]

Peter, from this moment on, you have to behave. I now know where you live.
Prize will be despatched tomorrow.

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

Right, I've sobered up now, and would like to add one or two comments following on from the last night.

Firstly, congratulations once again to Peter. I sincerely hope that you did not plagiarise your poem in the same way that you plagiarised Meatloaf in your acceptance speech. Let's just take the end of time as read, yes? You won on merit - no need for eternal love.

Mince - don't be a sore loser. Peter's entry was 100% genuine. I cite the word 'spiting'. 'Nuff said!

Fydo - you came very close with your use of the word 'designded'. Unlucky!

Elizabeth, likewise with your love song for Hamish.

I'd also like to say a special thanks to Melvyna Dam, who magically appeared with several excellent entries which also almost got in among the medals, then promptly disappeared again in a Brigadoonesque manner. I do hope it's not too long before you resurface and join in the banter, Melvyna - thank you for taking part.

Likewise to Jack - come back soon!

Malc, I can't share your bitterness towards Eurovision for allowing Israel in. I'm all for knocking down barriers, and I'm very hopeful that we'll have our first Palestinian entry soon. One of my favourite rejected cartoons which almost made it into the Daily Record but got pulled at the last minute involved Gerry Adams river-dancing with a group of hooded Provos, singing 'BOOM BANG-A-BANG', after Ireland once again won the right to host the competition for a consecutive year. Anyway, I digress - you would have stood a much better chance of winning a medal had your entry been posted in the correct thread. I'm b******d if I could find it!

Can't wait for next year!