Hello, is that Susan?

[The Peepmaster]

I answered the phone to woman this morning, giving my name in the process, and she asked, "Is that Susan?"

I said, "Sorry?"

She again asked, "Is that Susan?"

I said "Am I Susan?"

She said, "Sorry, I must have the wrong number..."

I mean, do I sound like a girl?

[Mince]

I mean, do I sound like a girl?

It must be the skirt.

[The Peepmaster]

I mean, do I sound like a girl?

It must be the skirt.

How could she see the skirt, being on the phone? 

[Vulture]

I mean, do I sound like a girl?

It must be the skirt.

How could she see the skirt, being on the phone? 

When you're wearing a skirt you put on a girlie voice. 

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

No, you don't.


Er....forget I spoke.....

[Roger Kettle]

This has nothing to do with what's gone before but I thought I'd pass it on, anyway....
I was at the hairdresser's today, getting my thinning, grey locks trimmed. The barber (I still call them that) was telling me about a trip to Dublin he'd had recently with his 15 year-old twin sons. He reckoned that, given the location, his lads should try "a drop of the Guinness". Being a responsible parent, he approached the manageress at the hotel he was staying at and asked if it would be possible for his sons to try a tiny bit of the black stuff in the bar.
"How old are they?" she asked.
"Fifteen" replied my barber friend.
"You have to be eighteen to drink in Ireland", she replied, before pausing for a second. " Och, don't worry---just tell the barman they're sixteen".

[Fyodor]

Which reminds me of Spike Milligan, who claims/ed that, when he had signed in at a hotel in Ireland, the porter said, "Follow me sir, I'll be right behind you."

[Malc]

A friend of mine has a son (24) and two teenage daughters.

The son is (in my opinion) gay, but we don't talk about that, I'm not sure he's certain himself, he's sort of asexual in look and mannerism, though there is a hint of limp.

Anyway, to get to the point: He has a very high voice, he sounds exactly like his sisters and mother. It gets embarrassing when I call, as I have to pussyfoot around the introduction issues:

"Hello, Jamieson residence..."

"Oh, hello there, er....young, er...is your dad in?

[Vulture]

A friend of mine has a son (24) and two teenage daughters.

The son is (in my opinion) gay, but we don't talk about that, I'm not sure he's certain himself, he's sort of asexual in look and mannerism, though there is a hint of limp.

Anyway, to get to the point: He has a very high voice, he sounds exactly like his sisters and mother. It gets embarrassing when I call, as I have to pussyfoot around the introduction issues:

"Hello, Jamieson residence..."

"Oh, hello there, er....young, er...is your dad in?

Wrist or leg?

[peter]

What I want to know is did she find Susan.

[Malc]

Wrist, vulch. I'm a little teapot, and all that.

I should stop. I have lesbian friends who hate it when I take the mick out of gay mannerisms.

I hate it when gay men (yes, they're my friends too) get all effeminate when in a group. When I was in Manchester, I'd go into a pub with a mate who was gay but manly. He'd get in with his gay clique and within minutes, he'd be all "OO, hark at 'er!!"....

From observation, gay men in a group are only as strong as their bitchest link. It only takes one of them to say "you can talk, dear..." and they go all Julian Clary.