The Fine Art of Strip Writing

[The Peepmaster]

How about having a thread where aspiring strip writers can put forward story-line ideas, and experts like Roger, can say why they would or wouldn't work?


Here's one I've just thought up:

Bloke (in flat cap) leaning on a pub bar, says to barman: "And then I said "If that's your attitude, I'm never drinking here again".

Another guy walks in saying "Hey, Arny - any idea why the landlord of your usual boozer's throwing an impromptu party?"


Would that work, and if not, what's not quite right?

[Malc]

Is it only Roger who's allowed to take the p*ss offer constructive criticism?

[The Peepmaster]

Sorry, Malc - you're welcome to as well. 

[Roger Kettle]

I'm now extremely suspicious when, after a couple of days of silence on this site, I'm then asked for my opinion on something!

[Diane CBPFC]

How about having a thread where aspiring strip writers can put forward story-line ideas, and experts like Roger, can say why they would or wouldn't work?


Here's one I've just thought up:

Bloke (in flat cap) leaning on a pub bar, says to barman: "And then I said "If that's your attitude, I'm never drinking here again".

Another guy walks in saying "Hey, Arny - any idea why the landlord of your usual boozer's throwing an impromptu party?"


Would that work, and if not, what's not quite right?

It`s the flat cap that`s all wrong - you need a wooly toque

[The Peepmaster]

I'm now extremely suspicious when, after a couple of days of silence on this site, I'm then asked for my opinion on something!

I'm aspiring to be as good as yourself, Roger, and I want to be able to feed you ideas to make your life easier.

[Malc]

Roger, if it's any consolation I'm not in on this either, so it may be a joke played on me, along the lines of "let's ask for some help from Roger on punchlines and see how long before Malky chimes in".

Thought I was to dumb to notice that one, eh, lads? Well you've got to be up early in the morning to get one step ahead of the Gookster.

But to the punchline: Peeps, it's a little wordy and it needs a middle step to take the audience through the gag...

[Vulture]

Roger, if it's any consolation I'm not in on this either, so it may be a joke played on me, along the lines of "let's ask for some help from Roger on punchlines and see how long before Malky chimes in".

Thought I was to dumb to notice that one, eh, lads? Well you've got to be up early in the morning to get one step ahead of the Gookster.

But to the punchline: Peeps, it's a little wordy and it needs a middle step to take the audience through the gag...

Thanks, Malc. My thoughts were that there was too big a gap between the two conversations ... you've put exactly what I meant succintly.

[The Peepmaster]

That's really interesting. Of course, it needs a third frame. I was just wondering how the master would revise it to make it work perfectly.

[Roger Kettle]

I'd shred it.

Only joking but Malc's right about the wordiness of the punchline. These are difficult to get right when you're having to explain the scenario in them and, in this case, you're having to explain about three things. (That the speaker has just passed a pub, that the landlord has thrown an impromptu party and that it's "Arny's" usual haunt).
The BASIC idea is not too bad.

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

I'd shred it. No, I'm not only joking. Playing editor is fun!

'Convoluted' is the word everyone's looking for, I think.

Do try again though, Mr Peepmaster (I know you can do much better - and you do too).

[The Peepmaster]

Panel One - Bloke (in flat cap) leaning on a pub bar, saying to barman: "Then I said "If that's your attitude, you won't see me again".

Chalkie walks through the door, saying: "Just been past your old boozer, Arny"

"How come the landlord's throwing a party?"

[Mince]

Perhaps we should have a go at five strips for Roger's idea of Dennis "Missing, Presumed Dead".

I'll go first.

SERGEANT BIDET (late at night, to Beau Peep who is in his pyjamas): Dennis is still missing.

BEAU PEEP (face intent, getting dressed into his uniform): Can't sit here and do nothing.

SERGEANT BIDET (surprised): You're going out there to get him?

BEAU PEEP: No, I'm going to get Mad Pierre to go out there and get him.

Surely someone can continue with something better.

[Malc]

Can we just ruin one bloke's career at a time, please?

[Mince]

Notice how there was no superfluous tree branch in the background. Mine is minimalist humour.