Apologies.

[Diane CBPFC]

PLEASE tell me you plan to use styrofoam disposable plates!

(I wasn't worried you had cancer - I was worried that you were going to perforate your bowels)

[Diane CBPFC]

I too have a medical story.

I got the flu shot on Friday – for the next four mornings I woke up with a huge swollen eyelid – sure enough when you read possible reactions to flu shots eyelid swelling is one of the rarer symptoms. I phoned the Health Nurse to report on the Monday and they phoned me twice to encourage me to see a doctor. Now it takes 2 -3 weeks to get in to see a doctor for an office visit so if you have something like this you need to wait at the hospital outpatients. I sat and waited for three and a half hours as there was only one doctor on call and he is an idiot – he never decided if he wanted to be a doctor or a stand up comedian; his patient visits take up to 50% longer than they should whilst he is ribbing the poor sods who have waited to see him. His first words to me for example were: “You’ve got two days to live” – I gave him the stink eye which wasn’t hard under the circumstances.  Turns out I have a pimple INSIDE my eyelid.  Three and a half hours for a pimple!

[Tom]

I take it you don't like that doctor, Diane?

[Tom]

Oh, and I hope your eye is better soon. Was the pimple a reaction to the flu jab then?

[The Peepmaster]

PLEASE tell me you plan to use styrofoam disposable plates!

I'll rinse them off thoroughly before entertaining guests, Diane - don't worry about that!

I may have sounded a bit churlish when I suggested I would invoice them. That bit was a poor attempt at a joke.

[Diane CBPFC]

Tom, I've never had a pimple inside my eyelid before but the doctor said it was nothing to do with the flu shot - just a coincidence.

The teenage boy being seen by the doctor before me tripped and burned his belly on a woodstove - he got ribbed mercilessly by the doctor about being out drinking and chasing after girls.

The woman before the teen was in needing three sleeping pills - he was joking around with her (waiting room overflowing) then he called in a nurse and an ambulance guy to "vote" to see if she should get the pills!

When I took my son in with a badly bleeding split finger a couple of years ago he said that we would have to amputate! I just didn`t find that funny as it was so mangled that may have been the case for all I knew.

I was mad enough and about ready to walk out and report him when he was dealing with the teen Tuesday night but then he came through and was thorough enough to make sure the kid had had his tetanus.

He wastes time and is very unprofessional.  His jokes are so bad that you think he is an idiot which doesn’t engender patient/doctor trust.

[Vulture]

It's just precautionary, Diane. Don't worry about me. I was just a bit anxious about the pointed sticks, which it transpires are really pointed bits of cardboard, and you don't actually have to stick them in you, they're designed to be used as "tools" during the various processes. I have to get bowl, or a dinner-plate or something like that as well, to help matters, and it all has to be done three times.

It's occurred to me that, in effect, I'm being commissioned to do all this, as I didn't ask for it. Being freelance, maybe I should invoice them...

A couple of things occur to me;
1. I used a little plastic bowl that I reserve for bleaching things in. Place it in the toilet bowl, line it with toilet tissue...... do the necessary...tip contents down loo.

2. Don't forget it has to be done on separate DAYS over a period of not more than two weeks.

3. There is a proviso given that a negative result in no way guarantees that you do not have bowel cancer!

[The Peepmaster]

I'll have to read the letter that came with it. Not sure if there's an entry date on the envelope.

[Diane CBPFC]

I wonder why we don't have many teens posting here anymore?

[Joan]

A friend told me that if we had all the tests we were supposed to have annually at our age, we couldn't fit them in in a year.  I've just drunk a litre of fluid (supposed to be water, but had to include my morning coffee in it) and in about an hour and a half (I hope not longer), somebody is going to put pressure on my tummy with a wand thingy and I won't be allowed to go to the loo until she's finished.    Not comfortable! Don't worry, Diane, I'm not pregnant - just a check up.

They sent out all the bowel cancer tests here a while ago, then discovered that they were getting false readings, so are going to send them out again.

Better go - the sooner I get there the better. 

[Vulture]

A friend told me that if we had all the tests we were supposed to have annually at our age, we couldn't fit them in in a year.  I've just drunk a litre of fluid (supposed to be water, but had to include my morning coffee in it) and in about an hour and a half (I hope not longer), somebody is going to put pressure on my tummy with a wand thingy and I won't be allowed to go to the loo until she's finished.    Not comfortable! Don't worry, Diane, I'm not pregnant - just a check up.

They sent out all the bowel cancer tests here a while ago, then discovered that they were getting false readings, so are going to send them out again.

Better go - the sooner I get there the better. 

I had one of those tests a few years back, but I had to drink the fluid 2 hours before the test. By the time I got to the hospital I was busting but I had to wait twenty minutes while they finished with the previous appointment. THEN I was told I was too FULL and to nip down the corridor to the nearest loo and 'let a bit out'...... ! Three times I had to do that before they could finally do the test!

[Joan]

It's much better now, Vulch, as far as the loo bit's concerned. That scan only took about a minute (although I did have to wait about twenty to be taken), then I could go to the loo and she did the rest another way.  Maybe we should rename this topic, 'Not for the faint-hearted - delicate subject matter'.

I sympathise with you over the doctor situation, Diane - he sounds like a right eejit.  Except he's an intelligent eejit who should know better.  Hope the pimple has healed up now.  Sounds painful.

[Diane CBPFC]

Thank you for your concern over my pimple. What a caring community this is. 

[Jack]

My little finger on my right hand hurts a little bit.

Not much.

Just a bit.

[Roger Kettle]

Cue photo. 



If you like a drop of red while you're watching the sun go down, try Alandra.



A box (5 bottles worth) was only about 8 or 9 Euros when I was there last!!  At that price, sod being a connoisseur - it's very moreish and makes a change from the Super Bocks.  Can't remember if you can get it in Tommy's though.

Anyway, have a great holiday Roger ! 

Excellent wine, Rob! On your recommendation, we picked up a couple of bottles at the Algarve Shopping Mall (1.99 euros. each) and enjoyed the stuff greatly. You done well, my boy.