Or just leave the "Craddock" out...
Fanny and Johnny. Honestly, these days those would be made-up names in a Harry Enfield sketch.
The bacon cubes are made by Continental, I think.
Here's the recipe:
Soak the lentils for a while.
Chop the white part of the leek into little bits (I slice it down the middle, quarter it, then chop it up smaller.
Do the same with 1 carrot.
Dice 4 potatoes, leave the jackets on if they're washed tatties.
Chuck the items you've diced into a frying pan (or wok) with butter and lightly fry them for a couple of minutes. Add the stock cubes at the end, along with a bit of water. Allow to simmer for another couple of minutes.
Chuck it all into a pan of boiling water, add your (drained) lentils. Boil until it thickens a little, check to make sure carrots and spuds are soft.
Don't let it all get too thick, as the soup then becomes a stew, and after you saved some in the fridge it congeals. This isn't a disaster as such, the next day you just scoop out a dod, add water and boil up a new plateful.
Oh, I didn't use the onion.
There. Nothing so anoying as someone who's new to something handing out instructions on how to do it, is there?