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Author Topic: Insults.  (Read 3915 times)

Offline Roger Kettle

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Insults.
« on: August 04, 2011, 09:28:30 AM »
A friend of mine once described his brother's wife as having "too much mouth per square inch".
At a football match, I heard a supporter call a player "a waste of human skin".

Got any more?
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Offline Bilthehut

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Re: Insults.
« Reply #1 on: August 04, 2011, 10:58:13 AM »
Heard a cracking joke on QI last night by one of the comedians>

He said:  When I told my friends I wanted to be a comedian, they laughed.  Well, they're not laughing now!
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Offline Roger Kettle

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Re: Insults.
« Reply #2 on: August 04, 2011, 11:15:04 AM »
I'm pretty sure that's a famous Bob Monkhouse joke, Bill----I hope whoever used it credited him!
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Offline Mince

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Re: Insults.
« Reply #3 on: August 04, 2011, 02:04:14 PM »
Quote from: Roger Kettle on August 04, 2011, 09:28:30 AM
A friend of mine once described his brother's wife as having "too much mouth per square inch".

I thought I recognised that quote. It's from Beau Peep.
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Offline Mince

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Re: Insults.
« Reply #4 on: August 04, 2011, 02:08:28 PM »
I was once told that I was a perfect reason for relaxing the gun laws.
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Offline Mince

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Re: Insults.
« Reply #5 on: August 04, 2011, 02:14:06 PM »
I was also once told that the mere sight of me would trouble atheists and Christians alike: atheists would be forced to re-evaluate their cherished "survival of the fittest" theory; Christians would find it hard to believe in a caring god.
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Bog

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Re: Insults.
« Reply #6 on: August 04, 2011, 04:13:24 PM »
My Mum, being a good east end girl (now 85) used to have a few.

my favoutie was "if wit was sh*t you'd be constipated"

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Offline The Peepmaster

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Re: Insults.
« Reply #7 on: August 04, 2011, 05:44:32 PM »
Winston Churchill comebacks...

Upon being told by Lady Astor, "If you were my husband, I'd put poison in your tea.":
Churchill: "If I were your husband, I’d drink it!"

Upon being told, "Must you fall asleep while I'm speaking?":
Churchill: "No, it’s purely voluntary."

To Liverpool socialist MP Bessie Braddock, who told him, "Winston, you're drunk.":
Churchill: "Bessie, you’re ugly. And tomorrow morning I’ll be sober, but you’ll still be ugly."
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Nostalgia is not what it used to be. 😟

Offline Bilthehut

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Re: Insults.
« Reply #8 on: August 04, 2011, 06:07:37 PM »
Quote from: Roger Kettle on August 04, 2011, 11:15:04 AM
I'm pretty sure that's a famous Bob Monkhouse joke, Bill----I hope whoever used it credited him!
He most certainly did not credit Bob.
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Offline Roger Kettle

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Re: Insults.
« Reply #9 on: August 04, 2011, 06:29:54 PM »
Quote from: Mince on August 04, 2011, 02:04:14 PM
Quote from: Roger Kettle on August 04, 2011, 09:28:30 AM
A friend of mine once described his brother's wife as having "too much mouth per square inch".

I thought I recognised that quote. It's from Beau Peep.
This is one of two occasions when I've overheard something and used it word-for-word in the strip. The other time was in a pub when a guy asked his mate what he wanted to drink.
"I'll have a whisky and a half of lager."
"That's not a drink---that's a night out!" came the reply.
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Rob Baker

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Re: Insults.
« Reply #10 on: August 05, 2011, 08:52:34 PM »
Great gags! And here's the full series' for those who haven't seen them for a while (sorry about the quality, but they are nearly antiques)....

The first set from June 1981:




And from October 1982:


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Offline Bilthehut

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Re: Insults.
« Reply #11 on: August 05, 2011, 11:34:09 PM »
Thank you Roger for mentioning the jokes so that Rob (using his encyclopedic memory) can post the actual strips

Thanks for those, Rob.
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Offline Max

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Re: Insults.
« Reply #12 on: August 06, 2011, 04:34:16 PM »
And one from history regarding Jean Harlow, movie sex symbol...

She was at a dinner party and continuously addressed Margot Asquith (wife of British prime minister Herbert Asquith) as "Margot", pronouncing the "T". Margot finally had enough and said to her, "No, Jean, the 'T' is silent, like in 'Harlow'".

Oh well......  ;D
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Offline The Peepmaster

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Re: Insults.
« Reply #13 on: August 06, 2011, 06:38:48 PM »
The twattiest twat in Twatty-Twat-Twat-land is quite insulting. I'm reserving it for Mince.
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Offline Mince

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Re: Insults.
« Reply #14 on: August 06, 2011, 08:39:31 PM »
Quote from: The Peepmaster on August 06, 2011, 06:38:48 PM
The twattiest twat in Twatty-Twat-Twat-land is quite insulting. I'm reserving it for Mince.

Thank you, I'll make sure I use it to insult someone - probably you, to be honest.
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