Young woman has baby shock!

[Roger Kettle]

As the BBC cleared its schedules to fit in news of the latest royal sprog, I loved the desperation of the presenters to fill in time. There is, after all, very little you can add to the fact a child has been born but, by God, they did their best. One presenter asked an expert (?) "How do you think the couple will cope with bringing up a child who is third in line to the throne?" I really hoped the woman would answer "Very badly. They're not fit parents. I expect the baby will be offered for adoption very shortly."
My wife, bless her, in her famous non-p.c. way, suggested the question "And what colour is the baby?"
At this stage, I would like to distance myself from her utterings.

[Mince]

They should have a "Who gives a toss!" channel for things like this.

[Malc]

Presenter:  At last, cheering and banners here outside St  Mary’s hospital, we heard the news we’d been waiting for  the long wait is over.

Studio:  Oh my goodness, look at that excitement - great joy there, the crowds too…

Presenter: The relief is palpable, people here are smiling, hugging each other, at last something has happened. No more “no news at present’ or “nothing has changed”

Studio: It was indeed a long labour

Presenter: Exactly, the stress of trying to invent new ways of saying bugger all all has been intense, at times we were listening intently to other news reports, trying to borrow some ideas. You could see the panic in their eyes, it was like Falluja

Studio: Oh my god…

Presenter: Yes, and how many times can you hand over to some idiot who also has nothing to report? They just hand straight back. Ten hours since we arrived outside Admissions and we’ve been gibbering non stop. They even cancelled Long Lost Families.  It’s been a trial indeed. All over now, thank God. In the words of Margaret Thatcher – Rejoice!

Studio: And what news of mother and baby?

Presenter: What baby?

[Roger Kettle]

 

[Jack]

They should have a "Who gives a toss!" channel for things like this.

Subscribe to Sky. It has almost 700 "Who gives a toss?" channels.

[Malc]

Here in the NE, two girls have disappeared, one body has been recovered in the river, the other girl still missing, all the locals are checking the telly for local news reports, but it's wall-to-wall Wills, Kate and sprog. There's more news delivered via text than the telly.

[Sandy Buttcheeks]

I'll tell you one thing...they can shove their invitation to the christening up the Royal backside. If I'm not good enough to be at the conception, I'm not interested.

[The Peepmaster]

Getting away entirely from the subject for a moment, I'm back in the UK to a thunderstorm.

Does anyone know? Is it long to rain over us?

[Malc]

Can I steal that -please? I'm having a terrible morning for ideas.

[The Peepmaster]

Feel free.