"Some are born great...

[Mince]

Well, that's just low and underhand, tricking honest wallet thieves into stealing empty wallets.

[Redundant]

I am---and always have been---stupid with money. Ask my wife, kids or sister. I'm a financial idiot.

I have an investment you might be interested in...left-handed flower pots...

Addendum.   I realised that the above sentence could be construed as misleading, and obviously that would be bad when seeking potential investors.  When I say left-handed flower pots I obviously don't mean flower pots that are...well...left-handed, that would be silly.   Flower pots don't have hands, so the need to designate one as the left-hand, and presumably the other as the right-hand is superfluous.   Indeed, were one to imagine a flower pot with hands, why stop at two?  There could be an upper-left-hand and a lower-left-hand, or even a back-hand and a front-hand.   Clearly what I was trying to communicate was flower pots that left-handed people can use, an area sadly neglected so far in the world of horticulture.

Hopefully that's cleared any confusion...

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

I did wonder. I'll take three please.

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

Oh, bugger, I forgot. Do you have any right-handed ones?

[Redundant]

Oh, bugger, I forgot. Do you have any right-handed ones?

Obviously the left-handed flower pots are still in the design stage, hence the need to find suitable [financial idiots] investors to further the project.   We do have however a number of right-handed sample flower pots, used in the early design stages of the left-handed flower pots.   These are now surplus to requirements, due to the nature of the design project some have become ever so slightly bi-lingual, but we're not here to judge.  I'd be happy to reserve several for you, subject to their agreement of course.

A glossy five hundred [and one] page investment brochure is also available for a modest investment of £73.02 - great value for the photographs alone, showing preliminary design models of left-handed flower pots in a variety of poses and also featuring a number of horticultural backgrounds.

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

Sold! I'll take a dozen R-H pots, and two brochures; if it's that good. I'll want to read it twice.

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

Oh, and I'd like to invest in the L-H pots. You'll need my date of birth - it's 22/09/2017.

[Redundant]

Sold! I'll take a dozen R-H pots, and two brochures; if it's that good. I'll want to read it twice.

The read more than once brochures are slightly more expensive, given we have to insert meaningless drivel about fast cars, football, the latest gadgets etc., both brochures will be posted immediately on receipt of your credit card details, full address, birth certificate, passport [which will be returned], and confirmation that you have no medical conditions which may be affected or worsened by viewing images of left-handed flower pots posing as nature, and gardening, intended.

Oh, and I'd like to invest in the L-H pots. You'll need my date of birth - it's 22/09/2017.

Ah, the well seasoned investor, our favourite, right next to gullible Americans [actually the gullible may be superfluous].   Your investment will be secured on receipt of the deeds to any property, objects of value and bank records of anyone you know who may or may not also be interested in this investment.  Show you care, do the right thing, and help others benefit from the joy of bringing Left-handed flower pots to the forefront of human technological discovery.   

Please be aware, the value of your investment can rise or fall or even possibly disappear. E&OE