Which vegetable is the one you most enjoy preparing, and which is the least?

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

We're having chips. Can't decide whether to have a jumbo sausage or not.

[The Peepmaster]

We're having chips. Can't decide whether to have a jumbo sausage or not.

Sam told me she'd never seen you with a jumbo sausage.

[Roger Kettle]

I've just made a roast chicken dinner too, Nige, with mashed potatoes (real ones, peeled and chopped) and green beans (frozen). I make my gravy by simmering carrots and onions in stock for an hour or so, before adding the chicken juices and thickening. I'm also a dab hand at Yorkshire puddings and, one day, I'll make a wonderful wife.

[Tarquin Thunderthighs lll]

This is getting really embracing!

[Roger Kettle]

My wife and I went for an anniverary meal last weekend to a (reasonably) posh restaurant near St. Andrews. Everything on the menu was described as "resting on a bed of...". You know the idea. "A scallop mousse resting on a bed of rocket and beetroot salad". Now, for the price I paid, the last thing I want my main course to be doing is resting. I want the *%!*!*! thing to be bouncing up and down, doing star jumps.

[Vulture]

I've just made a roast chicken dinner too, Nige, with mashed potatoes (real ones, peeled and chopped) and green beans (frozen). I make my gravy by simmering carrots and onions in stock for an hour or so, before adding the chicken juices and thickening. I'm also a dab hand at Yorkshire puddings and, one day, I'll make a wonderful wife.

If I give you the wool, will you make me one, too?

[Diane CBPFC]

I have been surounded by guys that cook too. Growing up it was always my Dad who did the big Sunday dinners. Hubby has a few favourites he does over and over - chili, potato soup and biscuits and he likes to bake cookies with the kids. My son got 11 High School credits for cooking when many in his class only got 3 or 4. His teacher loved him.

[Malc]

My dad did most of the cooking when we grew up.

That's not to say my mum didn't prepare meals - She mostly relied on taking the top off the Fray Bentos cans and sticking them in the oven. Oh, and she made mash, too. And stovies, which my dad loved.

I used to hate mince (not Mince, -mince) because my mum would boil it to a grey slush along with the onions, which became transparent slivers. I didn't know onions were crunchy until I left home.

Later in life I had mince and tatties at a friend's house and it was delicious! I couldn't believe it was the same meal my mum used to make. No wonder no-one ever came to tea.

When I was at boarding school, I was the only kid who didn't complain about the meals. I would actually finish off other kids meals.

I'm happy to say my mum eventually became an excellent cook. My nephews and nieces all come to her house for their tea, and a simple meal of slice, mash and beans, in her hands, is a culinary delight.

I'd prefer it on a plate, but baby steps, and all that.

[Diane CBPFC]

It is Mother's Day on Sunday in Canada and the USA - I bet you could write a wonderful Mother's Day card Malc.

[Malc]

It's not the same forgetting Mother's Day on the American calendar. I always forget it on the British date. That's patriotic, that is. Mum would be so proud.

[Joan]

The mince at my boarding school put me off mince and tatties for life, Malc.  We had to serve on a roster, and I have this vision of the mince coming up the dumb waiter in one of those metal trays.  All I could see were the carrots sticking out of this inch thick layer of grease.  Before she started serving it, the housemistress would stick the spoon in and stir all the fat into the mince.  Disgusting.  I can manage shepherd's pie, but prefer to have mince in a tomato based sauce, or at least to have made it myself.

[Joan]

I hope your boys haven't forgotten Mother's Day if you're not to be relied on, Malc.  I think my one may even be taking me out to lunch - he did suggest it, but whether it will come to pass or not is another thing.  I'm quite happy anyway with a day off and a couple of books.

[The Peepmaster]

The mince at my boarding school put me off mince and tatties for life, Malc.  We had to serve on a roster, and I have this vision of the mince coming up the dumb waiter in one of those metal trays.  All I could see were the carrots sticking out of this inch thick layer of grease.  Before she started serving it, the housemistress would stick the spoon in and stir all the fat into the mince.  Disgusting.  I can manage shepherd's pie, but prefer to have mince in a tomato based sauce, or at least to have made it myself.

You could have "Mince is disgusting" as your signature, Joan.

[Malc]

Don't worry, My wife doesn't take chances on important days like Australia's Not Really Mother's Day. She drops heavy hints as big as medicine balls. My older son Ciaran is a bit of a sook and has apparently done her a card. The younger one, Aidan is more like me and has to be cattle prodded to remember anything, except his own birthday of course, which must be attended with marching bands, trampolining gypsy violinists and confetti cannons.

I was in a particularly bad mood yesterday and Mel (that's the wife) was making sure with veiled comments like "even a card would be nice" that her Day Of Days would not go un-celebrated. I thought a "joke" approach would be nice, so I found a card which said "Happy Mother's Day From Your Daughter". It has a cartoon of a big cat hugging a little cat.
I used a felt pen to add an "s" to "Daughter" and labelled the cats "Chunky" and "Monkey", our boys' nicknames.

Therefore I will have upset everybody come presentation time, which, as the bad mood has continued throughout Saturday until this morning, (everyone still asleep) makes me very happy.

[Diane CBPFC]

Don't worry, My wife doesn't take chances on important days like Australia's Not Really Mother's Day. She drops heavy hints as big as medicine balls. My older son Ciaran is a bit of a sook and has apparently done her a card. The younger one, Aidan is more like me and has to be cattle prodded to remember anything, except his own birthday of course, which must be attended with marching bands, trampolining gypsy violinists and confetti cannons.

I was in a particularly bad mood yesterday and Mel (that's the wife) was making sure with veiled comments like "even a card would be nice" that her Day Of Days would not go un-celebrated. I thought a "joke" approach would be nice, so I found a card which said "Happy Mother's Day From Your Daughter". It has a cartoon of a big cat hugging a little cat.
I used a felt pen to add an "s" to "Daughter" and labelled the cats "Chunky" and "Monkey", our boys' nicknames.

Therefore I will have upset everybody come presentation time, which, as the bad mood has continued throughout Saturday until this morning, (everyone still asleep) makes me very happy.

A sensible person would just ignore this, as this is supposed to be a light-hearted forum. I?m not that person.

Malc ? this is just so sad.

Women long to be cherished as men long to be admired. When you do something like this, a little piece of your wife dies ? it leaves a wound on the heart that must be calloused over with indifference or pale laughter in order to survive.

Buy (or draw a bunch, if you are short on cash) Mel a nice bunch of flowers and write on the card: ?Our love and our family mean the world to me ? thank you for being a wonderful Wife and Mother.?

Insist the boys do something nice for her!